What happens in your brain during a tantrum:
What to do when your lid flips (or your kid’s lid flips):
If you, as the adult, experience a lot of lid flips, your best option is prevention.
- Figure out what causes you to loose your cool. Is there a pattern (time of day, location, a specific person or type of people?).
- Can you avoid the things that tend to set you off? If not, can you anticipate when you’re most likely to encounter that situation so you’re not caught by surprise?
- If you know when you might run into the thing that tends to set you off, can you do some deep breathing or stretches in advance to help keep you calm? OR can you change your perception of the person/situation so that it has less power? A therapist can help you with this if it seems too difficult on your own.
- If you can’t predict or avoid flipping your lid, removing yourself from the person/situation is key if possible. Once you’re away, take a few deep breaths, do some active movements like jumping jacks, running in place, or simliar, or splash icy water on your face.
- Once the storm has passed, do you need to repair any relationships? Sometimes we say and do things we regret when our lids flip- making an immediate and sincere repair can be key to limiting damage over time.
If your child is the one flipping their lid, some things to try are:
- Like with adults, prevention can be helpful. Is there a pattern to the tantrums? Can the environment be changed to cause fewer of them?
- Can the child be removed from the situation if s/he is upset? (Note: don’t put a child in a room alone and walk away. This can be traumatizing. If s/he is flailing around and you’re worried about being hit, you might have them go into a separate room, but stay nearby and let them know you’re there).
- When the child is calm and alert, try teaching a few deep breathing techniques (there are thousands online) to use next time.
- After the tantrum is over, talk with the child in an age-appropriate way about what happened. The main message should be that all feelings are ok, but yelling/hitting/throwing things/breaking stuff, etc. is not ok. Then have a conversation about how to manage better next time.
- If tantrums are disrupting your family life, it’s time to get professional help. Family therapy can help you and your children find better ways to handle emotions.
Related pages:
Additional resources on the web:
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